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Mind-less-ness Blog

Mind less what?

Have you ever been distracted by your thoughts? Stuff that isn’t happening in the here and now but you find a way of living it again and again in your head? It may be something that has happened and you keep pressing the rewind button, for some reason wanting to re wind your mind to the situation, the memory , the past. It may be something that worries you, an empty moment in a conversation that you’re now filling with “make believe” .. you are making yourself believe something, that hasn’t occured. You are filling your mind with a “fantasy” In doing so you are take up good time with a veiw of the past that may not be helpful. You find yourself creating a scenario from your interpretation of what may have been a mini moment, possibly a split second. In that second you felt lost, confused, hurt, alone, rejected or unheard. In reality someone may have breathed a little longer than usual. You notice a slight change and then bam! You’ve filled it with stuff. Your mind is filled. 

MindFullness has become a new calm, focusing on the here and now. I agree it’s helpful in some situations. For some it is a perfect solution to forgetting about stress and focusing on breathing. The term mind full ness made me think we have to work hard on filling our minds with the present moment. The mind needing to be full. 

This lead me to think about the opposite. Mind Less Ness. The notion that we can Mind Less and Live more. If our mind is empty we have space. If we becoming less Mind Full we have space. If we Mind Less … Then we won’t get stressed. 

The reliving of the nano moment that happened yesterday or yesteryear, that we are replaying in our mind, that becomes less. This is because we mind less about those moments. We discover that we can have less in our mind by learning not to mind.

When I hear people sharing their over thinking I wonder why we decide to fill the gap, rather than mind the gap. Don’t step into the gap and start filling it. The gap is a gap, no interpretation required. If we believe that others would tell us if there is a problem, then unless we hear that from them, why do we need to create the fantasy in our head? 

Just take a moment to think about a time in the last day or two when something has felt not right. You’ve walked away starting your own internal guessing game .. ” Was it me? Was it something I said? Did I forget to do something? Don’t they like me? Are they cross with me?” Any of those beginnings. Set an alarm  for 60 seconds.   One whole minute,  and  start one of those beginnings in your head . As you start unravelling one thought notice the scenarios and beliefs you are replaying and those you are giving birth to. 

At the end of the minute, notice how many options of what was wrong that came into your mind. What negative thoughts, not ok feelings you had.  Now repeat the minute and start the thinking with

 ” Once upon a time a person ….” 

Because that is what you are doing. You are creating a story. Not the truth, a fantasy. You are filling your mind with something that has no proof. The person you are worrying about, they have given you no facts. You have no hard evidence to back up your fantasy thinking. A judge would throw your story out the blink of an eye. That what you have the power to do too. You have the power to stop the process. To notice to feeling, to let it go. To blink away the fantasy. To fan it away before you can even get to start the fantasy 

You can choose to mind less and live more.

Do it,  it’s yours for the taking. 

Mind The Gap!

Or rather don’t mind the gap .. accept it is there and don’t  fill it with worries. 

Well that is easier said than done isn’t it? When you notice the gap between one thought and another.  Maybe an empty space, we tend to fill it. 

When we stand in a train station how likely are we to heare the ” Mind the Gap” announcement. We don’t tend to try and put something in it, we move away from it. We make sure we are safe and therefore don’t fill the gap with us. 

How often do you find yourself with a gap?

Maybe a moment between sending a text and receiving a reply text. Even in that mini moment we can feel the gap. What about the disastrous  text message with no ‘x’ ? 

Oh my goodness!  how many times have you decided there is something terribly wrong, end of the relationship, the other person is angry, left you, rejected you? 

And then the relief when there is a follow up text with a ‘x’  

Phew! You call the divorce lawyer back and say it was a mistake, it’s ok they forgot the ‘x’ you are still together! 

You may laugh, but for some people that gap where the x  should be, that tiny space, causes relationship breakdowns . 

That’s how quickly our thoughts can fill the gap. 

When we notice the ‘x’ missing why don’t we just notice but not mind? 

We know the person loves us or likes us.  We know we are ok with them and ourselves but we look for the crack, the gap.

 We then fill it with negatives. 

We don’t think ‘Hey they have just texted back and that means we are ok. Or even, hey I am ok even if they don’t feel I am “

We don’t notice the letters they have been used in that contact, we notice the one digit missing. 

How many times do you look for the empty space, throw some stuff from the past in it and then grow some historical related story in your head? 

How about noticing the rest of the message, what is present rather than what is not?  

How about noticing the gap but minded the gap?

Minding less when there is nothing to mind? 

Give it a go. 

You may discover you find peace in a gap. 

Have you noticed the space bar?

It’s there, whether you are reading this on your laptop, computer, tablet or mobile. As soon as you start to type a response, there it is.

It’s the biggest bar on the keyboard. If it wasn’t there my next sentence would read a bit like this.

Whenyoufindyourselfwithoutspaceandyouwanttocreatesometimetocompleteataskyoufindwithoutaspacebaralotofthingsdontmakesenseandyourunoutofbreath

Phew! My auto correct was having kittens. As do we when we don’t make space.

Even if you change the keyboard to capital letters, numbers and punctuation marks, the space bar is the constant.

If you write in any other language, the space bar is required. Stuff doesn’t make sense without space in between.

So the next time you type something, notice the space bar and how often you use it. Create some space for you. Go relax on the space bar.

Life is better with space.

I wonder what the future will hold…



In my top drawer of my desk in my therapy room I have an amazingly powerful, all knowing, magic notebook. It holds everyone’s future, minute by minute, hour by hour. You can flip to tomorrow, a weeks time, a month even to your last breathe. When you’ll die, how you’ll die, who will be with you.
No more surprises, no more uncertainty, no more ‘what if?’ Or ‘I wonder…’
When I am working with people experiencing uncertainty or anxiety about their future conversations, relationships, jobs prospects, I sometimes offer them them the notebook. All those questions answered, guaranteed. I ask them if they want the notebook?
Would they really want to know what the future holds?
Sometimes the gut response is ” Yes please!”
Then the realisation that they would know absolutely everything about their future life hits them. No more surprises, no more excitement, no more goals. Every single minute, hour, day predicted. Written before them, no changes, no new agenda, always one step in front . Reading ahead as fast as their mind will take them.
Then the response is “No Thanks!”
What was your gut response?
Do you think you would find that knowledge helpful? Would it make life easier for
you?
Or would you be bored in knowing every thought, feeling, movement, decision that you
would ever make?
Would you want life to be predictable or would you prefer the unknown, uncertain, exciting unexperienced and newness, that each moment brings. Knowing you can twist and turn, jump and leap, move and stand still, whenever you wanted to?
Personally living in uncertainty, feeling excitement, not knowing the end of a book I am reading or film I watching is my preference. Not knowing who I might meet where, what I might achieve and where I may travel, is the freedom we are given by living in the moment.
Would you want the notebook?
Or are you noting your experience of each moment and celebrating that?